Letting Go

surfing

The one time I surfed on the Indian Ocean was amazing. I had no idea it would be so much fun. Too bad I didn’t get a picture to show for it. I had an amazing coach, who told me that I’m a natural. If only he knew how shaken I was, I doubt he’d tell me the same thing.
“What’s your name my dear?” He asked. “I’m Mary” I responded quickly. “Clear your mind and look straight ahead. Relax and enjoy the ride” He advised me. I could not remember for the life of me when I ever let go and just enjoyed the breeze or closed my eyes and cleared my head.
So I gladly accepted the challenge. When I got on the surfing board, I took a deep breath and mumbled to myself, “It’s all right Mary. You’re fine.” I then looked straight ahead. The breeze blew in whisks and I could feel it over my cheeks. I stared into the horizon and my mind was opened up to an unlimited world ahead. Claiming that the feeling was heavenly is an understatement.
At any one time if I let a thought cross my mind, it upset my balance and I’d fall into the water. I learnt how to turn around and that was also very nice. When I finally came back, my coach told me that surfing was therapeutic. For sure I felt an effect. I recommend letting go sometime. You just might understand a few things in your life as the bigger picture will be clear in one way or another. All the best!

Taking Chances

taking-chances
The world is a scary place, to live with people you love and face each day. Some days are good and others bad. But we live anyway. It gets hard to break the norm and move outside our comfort zone. The thought of upsetting our balance is traumatising. The one thing we do is wish, hope and pray that somehow we will get where we want to go eventually. But then, how will you ever know the pain of patience or the struggle in hard work? How will you understand the pride in achieving something or the pain in not giving up?
Taking chances is scary because you never know what lies ahead. You never know if there’s solid ground below or hell to pay. Think back, analyse what you’ve done in the recent past and ask yourself one question,”Have I forged forward or just remained stationary?” Do something daring like singing freely in that open “mic” event, dance alone, drop those papers to that office where you dream of working at. That’s the only way you’ll ever know what lies on the other side and whether you like it. In most cases, you end up being proud of yourself for taking that chance.

Have a great October people and move out of your comfort zones. Cheers!

The Only Wish #2

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The party was finally over and Janny finally had enough time to talk with him at her own pace. The guy looked conflicted, she empathised with him but the only way out of all this torment was through it. He resolved to go through it like the man he was. Janny, on the other hand, could not help shaking off the feeling that it was a dream. In fact, she asked her best friend t pinch her so could wake up to reality. She felt tempted to offer him a glass of liquid courage but wasn’t sure how he’d take it. So she did what she knew best- faced the problem at hand head on.

“How are you? Are you comfortable in my humble house?” She asked him. “Yes, I am. Thank you. ” He said “Can we talk?”

“What’s the worst that could happen anyway?” she thought to herself. She nodded yes and he started. He expressed a lot of remorse and regret. She smiled politely and waited for him to get to her burning questions yet he didn’t seem to get there at all. She decided to dodge the bullet. “Do you think that I was a mistake?” She asked. Her eyes popped and tiny drops of tears were forming at the corners of her eyes. Her heart beat elevated and her palms became wet.

He took a deep breath and thought hard. He felt sure that what said next would determine is she would let him into her life or not. “No, you were not a mistake then or now.” She sighed in relief and knew once and for all that her life would take a turn for the best. Finally, the part of her life that held many question was solved.

The only wish.

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He watched her from afar and couldn’t help but wonder how she was. A lot of time had passed since he lastly saw her but she seemed rather happy. That was enough for him. For a moment he thought about what he’d give up to be in her life yet that didn’t seem good enough. Days had turned into months, into years and the silent promises he made to himself just became music to his ears. He felt so worthless and ashamed. “But we were still so young and stupid. What would we have done?” He thought in a bid to simmer down the guilt he bore but the burden of proof was always a constant reminder of the truth.

She danced so gaily and had a very nice time. After all, it was her birthday. “Happy birthday to you..” her friends sung in harmony. He felt hot tears sting his eyes. She, on the other hand just blushed and enjoyed herself to the last drop. The was cake finally brought and it was time to make a wish. Deep down, Little Janny (who wasn’t so little any more) knew what she wanted.. to finally meet him. it felt like a pipe dream, just next to impossible. Maybe she was the only one who was interested but that didn’t stop her from hoping against all doubts. Janny breathed in, closed her  eyes and blew as hard as she could.

On opening her eyes, he stood before her. She stared deeply into his eyes and wondered whether her wish had been granted so soon. In her case soon meant her whole life. He had done his best at gathering enough courage to walk up to her and say something. He felt that he had waited too long to explain himself and it was not fair to her. His lips opened as if to say something but despite his utmost efforts, he was dumbstruck. It was at that moment that Janny knew for sure that she was looking at him.

An overwhelming wave of emotion surged through her shaking her to the very core of her being. She took a step and hugged him so tightly, you’d think the world was ending. His eyes had told her what she wanted to know. A few moments later, he asked if he could talk to her in private. She nodded in agreement. “I am so sorry for being away” he started off slowly. “I just wanted you to grow up without any biased information about me until the time was right for me to come and explain myself. You have no idea how many times I wanted to meet you but none of them seemed like the right one.” He went on and on but all Janny wanted to hear was that she was not a mistake that he regrets. She wanted to hear that he thought of her as she did of him. She also hoped that he understood that she was not interested in spoiling his life at all, after all, she had done wonders with her life without him.

At some point, he stopped talking. Janny just looked at him in awe and did not know what to say to him but only time would tell.. #stay tuned for part two

To Have and To Hold

To_Have_And_To_Hold

“If time should prime its gun- This is a metaphor. It means “prepared as a gun that has already been primed” Therefore, it means that it is a preparation for ongoing reaction.

At this prime time of our lives- it is an adjective that means of best possible quality. In this case, Phindile and her boyfriend (Kudzi )were still young and energetic.

And if winds of change- This is a metaphor which means impending change in one’s life

Should wind up- this is a phrasal verb of the word wind which  means arrive or end up in a specified state, situation or place

chains of pains around us-it means bonds.fetters or shackles that cause mental or emotional suffering

Yet remain knowing that

in pain, passion and patience,- she anticipated that him being away would cause her emotional pain, passion means a state of strong sexual desire in this case she was consumed by passion when she lay with him. Patience on the other hand was because she waited for so long for their time together.  

was once a hut of love- Phindile had given in to her boyfriend at his house which was a hut. She then refers to it as ‘a hut of love’.

love from above.- the word love has been repeated for emphasis

When storms of emotions formed conflicts in my insides

and clouds of misery ploughed through my heart and soul,

in the midst of mists of a pathetic regard to myself,- that block describes what Phindile felt and thought of herself after she had given up her virginity to Kudzi and to make it worse, it was possible that she was pregnant.

misery in this case was because she could not bear the shame and condemnation she would be subjected to if it was discovered that she was pregnant and unmarried.

your image used to appear and brighten my life.- the thought of him was consoling.

I beseech you, the word means to ask urgently and fervently someone to do something

know now that in earnest I love you

to the depths of breathlessness

of self expression and understanding.

I implore you,

to explore more of your feelings towards me.

And if I have to lose you, lose from this statement means to be deprived of something one has had

I shall feel loose- it is an adjective that means to let go a hold. Phindile would feel like she was losing grip if ever Kudzi walked out of her life.

to deplorably lose my mind.” Deplorable means worthy of condemnation.

Lose means to rid oneself of.

mind is the part of a person by which one  feels, perceives, thinks, remembers, desires and imagines. 

The last statement therefore means that Phindile would rid herself of memories of Kudzi by whichever means necessary even crude ones that have always been condemned by society such as committing suicide.

Reference:

The Free Dictionary by Farlex

http://www.thefreedictionary.com

This is where it all began

To_Have_And_To_Hold It all came to me in an epiphany. The feeling was overwhelming and exciting, I couldn’t help but smile. I thought of the first book that introduced me to leisure and informative reading. That was back in 2007, I was still in primary school and we used to go for compulsory library lessons. In the previous years, I used to read newspaper articles. I always thought of them as short summaries of longer stories. Anyway, I did not realise what I was missing till our headteacher, who was also a teacher of English made it compulsory for every student in class six, seven and eight to have at least two copies of Pacesetters’ books. When I opened my first ever Pacesetter entitled “Meet Me in Konakry”, I was as excited as a blind man whose sight was miraculously restored. The most vivid book though is “To Have and To Hold” by Shelley, Davidow. It introduced me to poetry. I remember writing the poem in a small book that I used to write things I wanted to keep close. That book was different from my journal. it basically contained quotes by famous people and thought evoking stories. I also remember reciting the poem and up until now, I remember it word for word. I’d like to share it with everyone. I also hope that you could manage to read one Pacesetter, or two. They are one of the finest African Literature books. I’ll explain the meaning in a follow up article. Enjoy!

Phindile wrote

“If time should prime its gun

At this prime time of our lives

And if winds of change

Should wind up chains of pains around us

Yet remain knowing that

in pain, passion and patience,

was once a hut of love

love from above.

When storms of emotions formed conflicts in my insides

and clouds of misery ploughed through my heart and soul,

in the midst of mists of a pathetic regard to myself,

your image used to appear and brighten my life.

I beseech you,

know now that in earnest I love you

to the depths of breathlessness

of self expression and understanding.

I implore you,

to explore more of your feelings towards me.

And if I have to lose you,

I shall feel lose

to deplorably lose my mind.”

Change is inevitable

change

As I listened to “Rivers and roads” by the head and the heart, I found myself thinking of how afraid I am  of change. Truth be told, I’m not alone. I’ve played the song over and over again. I remembered the time when I cleared high school. It scared the hell out of me because I knew that time to grow up had come. It also felt like I was going back to class one. I mean, however big I felt that I had cleared high school, I was just a beginner in the school of life. About four years down the lane, I find myself thinking that I’m not the same. I also think thought that I had learnt to adapt to change until this major thing happened in my life. Change is scary and uncomfortable at times but what can we do?

It’s laughable that a new experience or slight change in environment can get us worried sick of how we will cope. I’ve seen people crawl back to their comfort zones because they are jut too accustomed to it. But what kind of a world would it be if we all stayed where we were and refused to look for greener pastures? The great people we hear of would never be heard of. We’d still be rubbing stones together to make fire.. Backward doesn’t begin to describe what or where we’d be.

Somewhere, someone chose to be uncomfortable so that they’d leave a legacy. It’s about time we also decide to make a difference. Let’s all accept that change is inevitable. Get out of that comfort zone and accept whatever price it will cost you. Then on one fine day, you’ll look back and realise that it was worth the effort. Have a happy new year!

You always remain my family

famm

Family is one of the most precious things in the world. Sometimes they burden us, makes us go nuts and wish that we’d go far away from them. I mean, they literary get on our last nerves. At other times they make us glad they exist, we feel loved, appreciated and supported.

I once had a sceptical view about families. I know a few other people have had such an episode where they thought that it’s good to stand alone. Maybe for a while that seems right because you consider how much your heart aches and how badly you were wronged. But who promised perfection? Who said that we’d have the kind of family that seems to have it all figured out and always keep it together?

A wise man once said that great expectations make frustrated men. Someone else once advised us to “Let people off the hook”. That helps us to remain reasonable enough to make room for surprises. Remember to also make room for disappointments but always make sure you hope that you’ll all get better. As I watched the last episode of 1600 Penn, I got an invaluable prospect about family. I did my best to capture the commentary that Mr President and Emily (the first lady) gave on what makes a family. Enjoy!

Interviewer: “What would you say makes a good family?”

Emily: “you know families aren’t made in big formal ceremonies. They are forged day by day in smaller moments of hope, heartache and through arguments and kindnesses.”

President: “It’s what makes you a family truly knowing one another’s flaws and
all through life’s choices.”

Emily: “and surprises “

No light, no light

no light

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can’t choose what stays and what fades away

And I’d do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say

Sometimes you feel that you’ve run out of strength to go on with life and it’s as though your world has no light. All the soul searching and brain wracking on where you went wrong. How would you ever move on? Most importantly, where will your light come from? Feeling helpless isn’t one of your best times but you can not choose to make it fade away. In a bid to make it go away you make yourself numb but we both know that reality strikes back, with a thud for that matter, right?

It’s that time that what you should do or have done in the first place hits you… You should have looked within yourself for that light and ignore all the chaos and madness around you. Wow! Now  that sounds easy but I could promise you that it’s not. But sometimes I wonder, to what end will you feel all the pain and misery? Is there any particular reason? Until lately when I remembered that to get wiser and stronger, you have to go through good times and bad ones..

I wish you well as you go through all these moments. Just remember to look for the light within you.